I think therefore I am

I hate mornings.

Especially when I'm conscious for them due to doctors appointments (or school, for that matter). This past Thursday I spent 4 hours being interviewed by doctors at the Chronic Pain Management Clinic. This wasn't a diagnosis focused appointment, rather it was to help me manage my pain. The specialists I met with were very polite and the entire morning was the most positive medical experience I've had so far this year. I had been told over the phone before the appointment that my case had been handed around the office for months, which seemed to be verified based on the curiosity I sensed in the doctors I spoke with.

The doctor who lead up the team has been my pain management doctor since February. The progress he had made by my most recent medication change made our interaction extremely positive. He introduced me to a passing nurse by saying "This is Norah, I've been her doctor since the beginning of the year. I know everything about her!"

The best part was this appointment was totally free.

So here is the plan, as developed by my team of doctors (that sounds so posh):

1) Biofeedback

2) Hypnotherapy

3) NCV test once the pain is better managed.

I already have an appointment for an NCV in mid-July, which will mark the first time I've celebrated the week of my birthday by being electrocuted (at least, as far as I can recall).

My best piece of news regarding this appointment is that I am reducing my Gabapentin to 1/9 of my previous intake. They decided it hasn't actually been doing anything positive for me these past months, which is great news. My hair has been falling out in clumps, my cognitive function has hovered between neanderthal and lemming levels, and I have Jason Borne syndrome every few hours ("Did I take my pills this morning? Wait, did I even eat? Hold on, where did this tiny Orca come from?!")

I've been working out as much as I can (which isn't much), drinking tons of water, and moderating my food intake much more. I haven't been entirely good, of course. I walked around SoMa yesterday (with my crutches, don't get all excited) during this ridiculous heat spell... while wearing jeans. Needless to say, I managed to give myself heat stroke. It was the longest distance I've walked since New Years Eve. Last night I laid in bed so sore that I laughed at my memories of post-track day muscle cramps.

The big story to report here has nothing to do with pain or hot weather or even the 2010 Camaro SS. I am elated to report that these past few days have been filled with ideas, stories, philosophical thought, and all forms of mind occupation that I have lost since I started Gabapentin. I do notice an increase in pain, but not enough to warrant returning to the haze I have only just emerged from. Besides muscle cramps, last night I laid in bed thinking of impossible scenarios and silly situations. I couldn't sleep for hours due to my imagination working at a furious pace. I thought of driving on the 89A in a brand new Camaro, complex yet ridiculous stories I will one day attempt to write, seeing my little sister graduate college in the top of her class, buying my mother the house I always promised her, and being a typical American tourist in Japan with Jacob.

Never again will I compromise my mind and spirit to medication. I feel like I've just come out of a coma. It feels sort of like this:



Well, now thats done. Next, curing my pain!

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